#I will tag her until she responds
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If champion by marie lu doesnât end happily, sheâs going to have to pay for my therapy
#I will tag her until she responds#Iâm mentally unstable#AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF JUNEDAY#juneday#June iparis#day wing#legend trilogy#legend#champion#prodigy#Marie lu#June x day#books#dystopian
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Julia is in a lot of danger... đŹ
some concept art for a scene in the season one finale!
#dauntless wip#dauntless s1#julia#carmen#julia rodzic#oc#pen#doodle#oc art#comic#scene concept#keepers universe#Julia responds by opening the door she's standing in front of and jumping out into the hallway as Carmen#releases the explosion she was building#there's a bit of cat-and-mouse vibes until Dauntless shows up to help her hehe#I know Scott also comes with them but I'm indecided still on what point Hiro and pals get there#I'm thinking it might actually just be Harley since she's the only one who can arrive fast enough asfgj#that is my info dump in the tags ramble lol#adding secret additional context to the drawings I guess
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1.10 / 1.09
#something to be said not just about how Ibrahim aims to replace his past family with his present bond with SĂŒleiman (and Musti and Mahi#branch off of that bond) but also how Hatice fits in all of this - the one Ibrahim leans on everytime he's likely to lose SS is *her*#she isn't just the future he wants to secure in the castle but also the past he yearns for outside of it especially in that initial period#of their relationship; and not just any past but a very particular fragment of it - the next most valuable person of his past other than#his brother: his *mother*. it's no wonder him playing *his mother's* melodies with the violin marks the beginning of their story and stays#an important motif throughout. just like Ibrahim's mother Hatice is so familiar yet so out of reach (and this unreachability accumulates in#E13 - Ibrahim leaves for Parga thus returning to his past but leaving Hatice behind but *then* finding out his mother is gone too.#*both* people he wants to be close to soo much are *gone* in that moment. there's a link between them because of this. also Hatice tieing#lbrahim's mother to âheavenâ as well and her âlooking at their happiness from aboveâ Ibro responds with in E14.) Hatice will distance#more and more from that role later on until lbrahim starts to outright abandon this whole 'return to the past' idea with Hatice and#search for it through Nigar instead. but yeah anyway I feel these two scenes are the perfect encapsulation of how complicated#the past is for lbrahim; he avoids remembering it because it *hurts* to remember both because why would he remember it when he already has#an established future and because deep down he resents what he's become and established as that isn't ever permanent and he's lost all else#*himself* most of all as who is a person without his roots? he wants to forget them but can't ever do it so what's left is replacing them#*all of them*; when he finds Hatice too he wants to have *both* her and SĂŒleiman and SS marrying Hatice off directly challanges that want#up to that point he believed in the possibility of their love more than Hatice did; now? he seems as lost as she is not knowing what to do#the only way not to lose either of them is accepting SĂŒleiman's order convincing himself that this is how it should be no matter how much#that hurts and would bury him even deeper; he can't bear it so he searches for a solution - and when he sees Rhodes sea? it hits him#it hits him how low he's actually sunk through the losses and if he can't âfully* replace the past he'll *fully* return to the past letting#*everything else* once hidden out as well. not to mention how right before he left to Parga he was brought to fear for his literal death#and then he is given more power that also brings some uncertainty with it and that likely scared him cementing his departure for Parga#directly following Piri Pasha's advice to let power go as it won't let *you* go#(btw a big contrast between S01 and S03 Ibrahim can be drawn in his relationship with Piri Pasha and his relationship with Ebusuud)#magnificent century#muhteĆem yĂŒzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#ibrahim pasha#(sorry for the disorganized tags but if I kept it like it was I would've exceeded the limit before I even finished đ
)#(just Ibrahim and Hatice in general are people who latch onto each other to get over their losses and ache for peace amidst their turbulent#lives and positions and that's what keeps them close and will later too)
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I'm so looking forward to iroh and zuko properly talking and seeing irohs reaction to zuko being gay.
Like we all know he doesn't agree with the fire nation rn but how will he react?
Will he not support him cause sokkas a guy? Will he not support him because it's SOKKA? Will he accept him? Will he reveal he's known for years zuko was gay?
Especially with everything that happened with zhao, regarding to what jee said to bato on their date. (Which is a very understandable perspective, zuko just got out of this very sexually traumatising situation and almost immediately starts a relationship (his first relationship) with sokka, but then again it is a very unique situation)
One thing I love about some atla fics is how they portray the FNs thoughts on queerness, cause on one hand they were one of the only country's (I think) that treated men and women the same but then again it's also the fucking fire nation.
And I also think zukos whole canon arc can be very comparative to queerness,
His dads an asshole and after speaking out against him he throws him out, and zuko try's for 3 years to regain his father's love and acceptance, and then faced with the opportunity of regaining it takes it immediately regardless of who or what he may hurt (iroh, his own morals etc) but once he makes it back home realises how fucked up everything is and eventually confronts his dad and openly tells him he doesn't agree with him then runs aways.
I also wonder if iroh secretly knows jee is queer it doesn't seem that likely to me but it also is iroh so who knows.
<3
I do think Irohâs reaction will be a big moment for not only the story but for Zukoâs character development. Right now, Zukoâs technically still a prisoner, holding himself there by assuming Iroh will not understand or judge him when in reality heâll never know what his uncle is thinking until they TALK ABOUT IT. (Which the FN royal family is just sooo good at healthy communication I donât understand why this is so hard for them lol?!)
I do agree that the suddenness of the relationship combined with the intensity from both zuko and Sokka is very alarming for people looking at it from the outside (I mean we all totally get it cause we were there but others are like uhhhh hmmmm ok this might be concerning) so I get them gossiping and wondering if this is truly real or what the fucks going on with those boys.
I love Zukos canon arc because thereâs just so much about zukos story that can be relatable no matter who you are and I think thatâs why he is a fan favorite (it doesnât explain why we torture him the way we do but ehhhh itâs fine haha)
Hmmmmmm does iroh know Jees gay? Depends on how saucy those music nights got ;)
#HAHAHA DO SEE THE JEEROH JOKE SOCKS?!?! I hope you see it through all your House reblogging nonsense haha#Jk you obsess over your new blorbos I support you!#I love this ask thank you#I also love that canon gave us so much to work with but left it loose enough we could do what we wanted#like Iâve read the fire nation written so many different ways in fics itâs insane#And I love all the unique thoughts!#I will continue to flesh out the FN little by little as we progress#An azula pov (or someone from her squad) will be part of every new chapter until the end#Sheâs a coming haha#I donât know if iroh knows Jee is gay#Or that jee is like one date away from hooking up with bato haha#Or that zuko is already kind of hooking up with sokka (not really but I mean theyâre getting prettttttttty snuggly haha)#But yeah idk Iâm excited this next chapter it is A LOT#& we will be SUPER CLOSE to getting some answers to your questions lol#Thanks for this cool ask these are my favorite asks#Sorry if youâve sent me an ask lately and I havenât responded Iâm getting better at that I promise#I will say though that I donât respond to asks if I genuinely donât know what to say or if I feel I might come off too mean or rude.#So yeah sorry anyone whoâs ask I didnât respond#(I also forget them in drafts and then feel weird about posting it after itâs been a month so Iâm sorrrryyyyyyâŠ)#Ok phew this was a lot of tags sorry#monsieugrgraves#Leaving it all behind#LIAB#ITF#ask
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Hi!! Since pocketwei just recommended a bunch of your fics, I just wanted to tell you that I think you're the gold standard of dofuwani and mishanks on AO3. Actual inspiration. I need to sit down and devote a day to commenting on your fics because I've read most of them and your writing lives in my head rent free.
AOADFDUKIDUFLJ ??!!!! HOW DO I EVEN RESPOND TO THIS AAAHHA. "the gold standard" aahhadufdgu what the hell, dudedfkdufj. Thank you thank you!!
^^ Live Haze Reaction
Please don't feel like you have to leave any comments or anything, it already means the world to me that you took the time to read my writing, and be so fair and generous with it, (eyes glazing over, maniacal air) bringing it to life inside of you by considering it and letting yourself think about it (normal again), aaaahhaa it makes me so sentimental. We are alive !!!!
That said, of course, I'd be happy to hear anything you want to share in the form of a comment (getting the emaail is like a syringe to the spine for me), but don't overthink it or feel pressured to comment on everything or share in utter Platonic eloquence, blah blah. Just whatever you feel like saying, long or short, critical or flattering, observational or analytical or reactive, or even just an emoticon, it's all good!
(I suppose, too, it doesn't really matter whether you'd like to share them with me in particular--sometimes it's nice to give fixed form to your thoughts, and know they're worth that effort, so there's your explicit permission to simply use my comment sections as a medium to prove you exist, haha.)
but um. tldr. thank you! one million kisses.
#usually I think of akataka as like.. or it least I did (I've been out for a bit) think of it as My Tag because it was so empty ahaha before#I got in there. so haha to hear other people r like haze the akataka guy makes me sooo cheesed. they're so real to me#dfwn is like my bitch wife who I am hopelessly and magnetically devoted to I can't escape them ever so it's nice to know it's true in your#mind also. that we r fucking shackled together. i think i will be writing dfwn until the sun goes out#STOP TALKING HAZE HAAAZE STOP TALKING AAHH#ask#kookoofufu#since this was inspired by mei's fic recs also if u like my stuff i think you should see her beautiful mind scroll through her blog and#get brainblasted. she's so smart and her art is so good and expressive and eloquent and rich it has so many things to say and is so worth#listening to#man i always get embarrassed after I respond to an ask and i just leave the tab open with the reply typed and don't hit post. ok i'll hit#post now my bad.#mine
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Can't believe the thing helping me cope with my Grandma's death is fucking Just Dance lore
#idk if i could say coping#cause i hardly really knew or saw her#she was the first person i had told i was Non binary tho#and the first adult to support me#but she never remembered it until years later when i came out to my parents#so idk if it counts#also does anyone know how to respond to âsorr for your lossâ#like do I just say thank you?#I suck at emotions#using the tags to talk more than I need to đ
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Fat girl culture is fighting tooth and nail against the constant infantilization and watching people be shocked when you wish to be treated your age
#rainy talks#Currently thinking about how until I was was about 14-15 there was this woman who would come up and pinch my cheeks whenever she saw me#even though I'd say I didn't like it and wanted her to stop#but she'd just respond with âOh but they're so cute and chubby!â#and it was like... okay?? i asked you to stop??#and when I finally snapped at her about it everyone was so mad about it#theres more recent stuff like how people talk to me about sex and stuff#but I literally can't get the cheek pinching out of my head#because I know I was the only person she did that too over the age of four#And I know its silly really I do but god does it just annoy me to think about it sometimes#vent in tags
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i solemnly swear not to write a fic with a similar premise as one ive done in the past but also i like it when people slow dance.....
#snap chats#im thinking of those geezers again.... forgive me father.....#im making my fanfic in the tags fuck it. no one read these im being cringe but i need to be free#anwyay.... i want yokoyama to show me the tally chart for how many nights arakawa and jo stay late at the office alone#just_the_two_of_us.mp3 right and i hope arakawa has a lil radio playing music#maybe some songs they'd play in the background of his stageplays... maybe even a lil miyamo haruki...#we call that a callback heh.... cause i ref'd her b4..... moving on....#i hope arakawa gets that Boss Sense and knows jo's done with his work for the night and invites him in his office#and i hope when he walks in a new song starts and then arakawa gets A Look right#just a small aside a small laugh like Oh Akane Never Liked This One but then goes on how she was still happy to dance with him to it..#and jo just. đ§ââïž . like how does he respond to that. just smile and nod boys smile and nod. except jo doesnt smile he just nods#AND OF COURSE THE LEGALLY REQUIRED QUESTION 'do you dance jo' and no ! he does not. never has most likely never will#until that night anyway <3 one 'it's easy' later and they're just squished in that space between arakawa's desk and the couches#and it just nice bro... maybe arakawa talks a bit bout the song/s that are playin and the genre as a whole#jo wont say much.. he's very much a listener and thats ok hes always happy to lend an ear to arakawa#yk.. just regular things to do with your co workers haha...#i hope jo opens up about his music preferences... of which i dont know what they'd be sincerely#the comedy bit of my brain only imagines metal/rock but i truly wouldnt know...#if he likes art then he might like the same kind of music arakawa enjoys.. my fave bit they can be art enjoyers together....#lmao bye arakawa thinkin to himself What A Nice Moment and jo's just trying his best not to literally step on his toes#or just fuck up in some way like my man RELAX this is supposed to be RELAXING#would arakawa notice how tense he is omg. making myself insane the more i type I WILL NOT OPEN A GOOGLE DOC I REFUSE#the visions will just have to torment me... i must make more arasawa asap...#i have another dorky vision in mind that's a sequel to that comic i shat out a couple nights ago... its short but its cute i think..#maybe tomorrow as a warm up or after i do a lil of comm stuff... for now gn.... i love old people....
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AAAAH can I just say I am so soft that you remembered me and zuriđ„ș
I completely get why Sofia would feel pressured to say yes, it's a loaded question. Especially with her feelings about her mortality (which I'd love to hear about btw if you're down to shaređđ).
Zuri ends up saying that she's curious when she's asked about the blood drinking. She's always been a big supernatural fangirl so her answer would usually be a yes lol, but she's worried that she's only valuable to people now (ub, the chamber, rebecca - especially rebecca) because of her blood. After the brief conversation with her LI (i still have her romancing everyoneđ) about her blood and them being tempted by it, she isn't keen on the possibility of having those thoughts confirmed.
Also, re: the chamber. How did Sofia feel about them before and after meeting them? And how does she feel about not being a detective anymore?
Which just sooo...uuuuaaah. I feel like it's WAY too soon for that, I don't don't have words to express how bummed I was when I read that. Especially since the detective can't say no. They've only had that title for a couple of months. I get that they're so involved that it makes sense for them to eventually be a full on agent, but in the 3rd book of a 7 book series? With the detective barely getting a chance to think about it?đ§đœââïž
YES OF COURSE !!!! <333 oh my gosh there are so many wayhaven oc's that just float around in my brain â even if i'm not active, i'll think about them sometimes and be like "hmm i wonder if (insert mutual) is working on something (insert oc) related right now :)" i love zuri !!!!!!!
ok this is probably gonna be long so i'm preemptively putting the rest under the cut
AH !!!! i love mortality talk hehe okay so i've written this in fic form before more fleshed out than this but here's a tl;dr version <3 so sofĂa's whole thing is that she struggles letting go of who she thought she was going to be and reconciling with what her life is â she's always wondering what her life could've been if she'd done a, b, or c. and with mason, it's the first time she's really able to let go, because there aren't any expectations â except for turning. sofĂa knows if she chose to turn, it wouldn't be her choice. she'd be turning for mason. and a huge part of her character is the fact that she's taking her own agency back by not turning â truthfully, i still don't know if she ever will! if she made the decision it'd be in old age (okay time to laugh about mis/hka's whole 'de-aging' thing, because she's afraid of being 40 years old i guess) TY FOR ASKING I LOVE TALKING AB THIS STUFF
also ZURI !!!!!! i just want to hug her and tell her she's worth more than her blood UGH also all of ub needs to give her a smooch and tell her everything is okay </3 she's precious 2 me !!!!!! i really hope that by the time that we get blood drinking in canon, she's more comfortable with it <333 she deserves a lil bitey bite KFMKDKMDF
OOF THE CHAMBER.......... so many thoughts. so so so many. none of them good honestly LMAO so i think sofĂa was nervous/scared to meet them at first, because although she's able to woo over most people with her trademark friendly/genuine approach â the whole thing just made her very uneasy. afterwards, she felt even worse â a lot of her discomfort comes from her feeling like overall she has a lack of agency in any situation relating to her job, and meeting an even more authoritative, what-we-say-always-goes-no-matter-what group that's expecting her to kneel at their feet and blindly serve them, is fucking with her mind. she was accepting of the existence of supernaturals in book 1, but truthfully, the more she learns, the more i think internally she's starting to freak out.
also! i think that she's deeply upset about not being a detective â not because she ever wanted to be a cop in the first place, but because for years, she's held onto the idea that this year is the year she'll go to med school. "i can leave this job at anytime. this is just temporary." but the more that she gets sucked into the supernatural world, the more she's having to divorce herself from the version of herself that she's always wanted to be. (she wants to be a person who helps people, even though she already is, but she never thinks what she's doing is enough)
SORRY FOR THE DUMP ABOVE DKMFMKDFMKD i just love talking about her so much ugh im sorry
ALSO YES TO THE LAST PARAGRAPH !!! dude. it's SOOOOO soon. and i know from the stuff mis/hka has said, i highly doubt that this is a setup for something later â like even the idea that mc joins the agency and is immediately terrible at the position for narrative purposes â or even the idea of mc being forced to join for surveillance purposes â i just don't trust her with those types of complexities
#TY FOR THE ASK <33333 MWAH this was so fun to read and respond to !!!#im sorry i took so long i wanted to wait until i was settled and ready to type out a thoughtful response#but also !!! i love zuri !!! she is so great !!! idk how you feel about me going through your oc tag but â#i think i will have to scroll through your zuri tag to get more content of our girl <333#i can't stop thinking about this book and all the discussions its posed but like. how i don't think any of these â#ideas are going to come back in the end ?? so much of this book throws shit out the window#maybe its a set up for book 4 but... i dont know if i trust that#asks#twc book 3#twc book 3 spoilers#twc spoilers#oc: sofĂa olmos#<- i'm tagging my girl bc i talk about her quite a bit in this ask <333
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#im taking a break from most of the internet / social media#i Will still be on tumblr bc its the only positive space ive curated for myself however not as often probably#just for a lil bit#bc my mental health is abysmal rn and a lot of it is bc of irl factors#like my estranged aunt harassing me w anti-trans vitriol to the point of having to legally deal w her bc she wont stop#but then also. coming online to see 500 headlines about the entire world wanting me dead for being trans is...a lot#and being on other social media sites and constantly receiving more threats is the straw that breaks the camels back#i am going to remove myself from those spaces until i feel less Poisoned with anger and hurt and sadness#bc right now i legit cant stop having anxiety attacks and making myself literally sick with worry#and i rly just need it to stop#so taking a step back it is#like i said tumblr is still ok for me so i will be here on and off but prob not responding to stuff etc#ok thanks this has been a PSA#transphobia tw#ask to tag
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High school ex gf just called me accidentally and now weâre texting (I shot her a text to clarify I wasnât upset with her for the call and itâs kept going from there) and I think Iâm gonna throw up/neg
#tw emetophobia#tw emeto ment#lemme know if anyone needs this tagged differently!!/gen#Iâm not mad at her in the slightest Iâm not upset with her but talking to her is bringing back a LOT of guilt for me#she was so sweet and I think I hurt her really badly when I broke things off with her#and then I got scared so even when she tried to reach out I never responded. until now#she doesnât seem mad at me. I think. I still feel guilty.
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I remember when my friend, who loves ya fantasy, started reading 6 of crows bc of me and they struggled cause it opens with made up words and concepts in fake dutch. and soc is a spinoff of so it never goes in depth explaining anything like. i love the series and i hate booktok but that girl was set up by the people recommending it. probably not an ask to publish but i just didnt see anyone else who thought she was done dirty and i was about accept insanity in my life until i saw your post lol
was it fake dutch? i saw one episode of the netflix show and it looked like it borrowed a lot fm like, the soviet union?? (the costumes looked like it was inspired by russian in late 1800's-early 1900's).
i dont even think she was necessarily set up (looks like it tho) bc i went on her account and she does read ya fantasy-ROMANCE. so, its not even a genre issue. i honestly think the writing style did not vibe with her. and that happens. not every writing style is going to be liked.
ppl have seen her video and tore her to shreds, luckily it seems like she doesn't care. but her later on critiques (bc she tried to continue reading it on her kindle) are valid. she just didnt like it. and some ppl have said that 'its the way her video is worded'--okay um she's not a journalist or a professional critic. she literally just talks about what shes reading to her camera phone and posts it. ppl went after her bc of the book AND bc her tagline bio on her account says that 'if its not smut, i wont read it' indicating she mostly only reads romance. and that egged ppl on.
reading one genre is neither good nor bad. its just a preference. ya fantasy isnt the pinnacle of literature imo. but it exists and im fine with it. (im just not gonna read it).
it's just me and you and one other person on tiktok that think she was done dirty. everyone else is still on her ass even tho she's moved on.
#anon#ask#waited until i was on my laptop to respond to this sorry#i knew it would be a long response#and im still upset about this girl#bc one-im projecting i hate fantasy and sci fi bc i think its boring and if someone who knew me rec'd it to me#id know they were setting me up#ANYWAY#this really does go back to judging a percentage of women for reading romance#if that hadnt been her tag line bio and she was seen loving lotr this never would have happened
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GOOD FOR THE HEART
country! vi x reader fluff, angst, smut (18+), slow(?)burn, wc. 13.6k
synopsis: an intimate bond forms between an ill farmer's daughter, desperate for a taste of the outside world, and the helpful part-timing cowgirl at the farm. OR vi wants you bad, and what better way to get to know you than sneak you around town?
content warnings: illness, NOT read over, foul language, smut so mdni/18+, fingering r!receiving, controlling parent, health worries, fainting, slight insecurity, emotional rollercoaster but a fun one!!
soundtrack:Â my girl (the temptations) | our love (curtis harding + jazmine sullivan) | | weâll never have sex (leith ross) | pillow (malcolm todd) | close to you (carpenters) | not a lot, just forever (adrianne lenker) | cool about it (boygenius) |Â pancakes for dinner (lizzy mcalpine)(this sounds sm like vi to me) | kiss me (sixpence none the richer) | i bet on losing dogs (mitski)Â aftercare (listen post-fic): force of nature (lizzy mcalpine)
Vi could strip naked right here, right now.Â
And with her well known spontaneous personality, she would. Especially under the hundred degree heat that preys upon her and forces the girlâs freckled skin to glisten. But a: sheâs with her siblings (enough said), and b: sheâs working outdoors at the Laurierâs farm. Meaning only a handful of yards away, tucked in that blue, yellow, and white idyllic house covered with blooming botanical life, stands Mr. Laurierâs orphic daughter.
Thatâs all Violetâs ever heard about you, from children playing on the street to adults roaming the town shops. Ever since her adoptive father suggested she take this summer job before she goes back to focusing on her college work. Ever since her siblings and family friend jumped to tag along after Mr. Laurier decided âthe more the merrierâ.Â
All thatâs been filling Violet Lane's ears is information about you, or, the lack thereof. How youâre always locked up in that big residence. How you used to roam the town just like any other little rascal until five years ago, at the age of thirteen, when something out of her knowledge occurred. How stunning you look in a sundress. She tried to block that one out.Â
âWhy is it that Myloâs drivinâ the tractor and not me?â Powder complains, pulling her clenched hand from the bag of chicken feed and tossing it on the ground for the horde to gobble.Â
âLast time you tried to drive something I started praying.â Ekko throws out. His bun shaped hair bobbles as he finally pulls that one stubborn carrot from the ground and places it in the basket.Â
âBesides Pow,â Violet starts, lifting a heavy brown box onto her shoulder and cradling it with just one arm. âYouâre doinâ fine taking care of the animals. Mylo would be scaring them to death.â The pink haired girl sighed out, looking around.
Her gaze landed on the decorated porch, and she pursued. Vi set the last of the boxes down with a soft grunt before straightening her back and lifting her arms, clasped at the fingers, over her head to get a well-deserved stretch.Â
The workerâs completely regretting her chosen position as the door swings open, and she looks heaven right in the eyes.Â
You stand there in a white lace sundress covered in a juicy red pattern of cherries, a smile sweet enough to give a sugar high plastered on your stunning face. Viâs gaze flickers down to your feet covered by red country boots. Above those are your soft looking hands holding a gift basket. When sheâs done examining you, her blue-gray eyes trail their way back to yoursâ and itâs like whiplash. Once again, sheâs blinded by those pearly whites and the tasty perfume radiating off of you. God help me, is the only phrase filling her mind because damn youâre ethereal.Â
âHi there, cowgirl.â Youâre going to send Vi into cardiac arrest with just your voice. Thankfully, she realizes she needs to respond, and quickly wipes the dopey grin (that she wasnât aware she had) off of her face.Â
Itâs not like everything is peaches and cream on your end. The girlâs tight white t-shirt is grasping onto her glistening biceps, her pretty bright eyes and the freckles that decorate her nose make her look blessed by the sun, and seeing such a beautiful yet handsome woman in a cowboy hat is doing foreign things to your stomach. âWowâ, is all your wandering mind formulates.
âHi there, miss Laurier,â she copies you in her lower voice, and you notice the slit on her lip as it curls up into a soft smirk. You shake your head at her words with a polite smile, insisting she call you by your name, which you offer up. She repeats it once perfectly, claiming it ârolls right off the tongueâ, and you crack a smile.Â
âMy father informed me that youâre the new help around here for the summer, so I decided to bake somethinâ for the five of you.â Youâre sticking out the basket, decorated with a pink bow on top, for Vi to take. She does and quickly takes a peek inside. Five snickerdoodle cookies and one large cherry pie. You do stay on theme, and so, it starts.
âThank you, cherry.â she cracks a smile that sends a shock down your body, and gently tips her hat.
Fourteen searing days pass on that farm, days filled with laughter, hard work, and the smell of life from the surrounding plants.Â
But not for you.Â
For each of those fourteen days, for the past one thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days, youâve sat sideways in your window with your back against one side and your legs propped up on the wood. You read, journaled, book pressed flowers (that you had to sneak out front to get), took much needed resting breaks, tended to your pet lamb Daisy, and watched Footloose. Your sock-covered feet subtly shuffled side to side as if you were mimicking their dance moves in your head.Â
Vi watched as you sat there all those days in your open window. Half of your body out in the fresh air and half cooped back up inside like the past five years of your life. It was as if you yearned to experience life completely outside the window, but you couldnât. And so, you completed your daily activities the furthest away you could get.Â
Until your eighteenth birthday came along.Â
âLord, can you focus instead of stalking your âcherryâ,â Ekko mimics the pinkettâs voice with the last two words, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.Â
âBet she wants to pop her cherry.â Mylo snickers at his own joke, earning a slap to the nape from Claggor.
âLast warning Mylo. Donât talk about her like that.â she replies firmly, furrowed brows making a little scowl.Â
Claggor shakes his head softly, letting the tension between his siblings diffuse before speaking. âYou know, you should do something other than just stare at her all day. Itâs getting sad.âÂ
âLike?â the cowgirl responds with crossed arms.
âAsk her to hang out, obviously.â Powder pipes up, petting a sheep as she prepares to guide it inside the barn. âSheâs always lookinâ so lonely. Swear the only time she smiled this past week was when you complimented her on those blackberry muffins she baked us.âÂ
âYou know sheâs not supposed to come out, Laurier said so. Pretty sure thatâs why she stays upstairs, canât even come out on the porch when weâre here no more.â Violet huffs.
âYou think he thinks weâre a bad influence on her?â Ekko ask in confusion. Because truth be told, no one knew why you stayed locked up in that bright house, like a princess trapped in a tower. People knew better than to ask your father, and of course, they couldnât get to you. Maybe it was time for someone to be your knight in shining armor.
âDoesnât matter, heâs not even here right now.â Mylo insists.Â
So, after a long back and forth conversation of weighing the possibilities, Violetâs shoved over to the shrubs in front of your second story window. You notice her when sheâs there (youâve been sneaking glances at her every so often), shifting your position so that you can look down on her as she calls out your name.
âAfternoon, cowgirl,â you coo, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.Â
âHey there, angel,â she simply replies with that signature smile, and your hands clench the frame youâre leaning on a bit tighter. âWeâre done with the chores for today.â
âOh. Well, get home safely.â you hum, eyes dropping in what Vi hopes is discontent, because her next words will cheer you right up.Â
âActually, weâre not headed home just yet. The five of us are headed out into the woods over there for a little.. chat." The glowing sunlight illuminates her face as she nods her head to Mylo, whoâs allowing the brown paper bag to peek out of his backpack and into your vision. Alcohol. âWould you wanna come with us? Wonât take up too much of your time, I promise.â she asks with a cool voice but a pounding, fearful heart.Â
No.
Or at least, thatâs what you were supposed to say. Itâs what youâd normally say. As much as your ill heart ached to connect with others, as much as you wanted to venture out of your home, as much as this strawberry-haired helper made you want to explore new things youâd only ever seen in movies, your answer always had to be no.Â
But, unbeknownst to the others, today was your birthday. You had cautiously lived another year, and instead of feeling fulfilled, you only wonder how many you have left.Â
You wanted to live, not survive.
You stared in contemplation before backing up, shutting the window and rushing out of the girlâs sight.Â
Vi dropped her head down to the shrubs in front of her. Itâs over. She blew it.Â
âYou scared her!â Ekko teased, making the girl whip her head around to show an angry stare. But the displeased expression faded faster than it formed when the creaking of that back door met her ears, and Powder gasped in joy and disbelief.Â
âLead the way.â
The walk along the trail of the woods to a more secluded area with cut wood stumps as seats was anything but quiet. Powder was talking your ear off about everything mechanic she worked on, treating you like you were from the middle ages rather than just sheltered. Claggor and Mylo were leading, causing the group numerous wrong turns and unplanned âshortcutsâ (theyâd gotten lost along the way). Vi walked with Ekko on her left, quietly pumping her up and giving her the confidence sheâd need to âmake her moveâ.Â
But despite the various noises, she couldnât hear anything. Because strolling to her right was you, the girl sheâs been infatuated with since first glance. Sheâs trying to be discreet, examining the way your hair falls, your scent, the way you press your lips together in thought before answering a question. It took the platinum blonde boy next to her elbowing her side before she came back to the real world.Â
âI call first sip,â Powder squeaks, to which Violet scoffs, making a quip about how sheâs only sixteen and scolding anyone who attempts to offer her the bottle. The bluenette brings up the fact that the others arenât even the legal drinking age either, but itâs shut down because âan adult is an adultâ.
âWeâll bring a juice box for you next time.â Mylo smirks, taking a long drag from the bag before offering it out to you.Â
Despite the soft urge, you shake your head, because you know your limits. Your heartâs limits. Despite the fact that youâre ignoring the sweatiness of your palms and feeble limbs.Â
Mylo hums. âTwo juice boxes, then.âÂ
âMyloââ Vi scolds, finally coming out of her trance.Â
But her anger is cut short at the sound of a hearty chuckle coming from your mouth. And itâs the first time Viâs ever heard you laugh. Genuinely laugh. Itâs enough to bring stars to her already-bright eyes.
The conversation continues as the sun and clouds pass by. Eventually, the others are in a heated debate about the best character in some film youâve never heard of, leaving you and Violet to shyly shift your attention towards each other.
âIâm glad you came. I noticed you.. donât get out much?â Her tone is the gentlest itâs ever been.Â
âIâm glad you invited me.â You easily avert her indirect question. It eats you alive, the want to tell her everything about you. How you have a âbad heartâ as your father gently put it, and now you live your days mundanely so as to not risk triggering anything fatal. But the desire to live just one day in normalcy is stronger, and so you change topics.Â
âYou have very big muscles. I like them. Is that why you do most of the lifting things rather than herding cattle and such, like other cowgirls?âÂ
Vi feels her cheeks get toasty at the compliment and your almost-awkward forwardness. But you canât help it, youâve hardly had conversations with anyone but your father the past few years, let alone a handsome girl so close in age. It doesnât matter much though, because Vi loves it.
âNot a real cowgirl. Iâm only good for lifting what others canât.â She chuckles a bit. âI just happen to own a horseâ and I wear the hat of course⊠maybe the beltâs a little cowgirl-like too, but thatâs all.âÂ
You smirk because that makes her a cowgirl in your book, but you politely hum and say nothing.Â
The girl shifts her position to turn towards you more, and you swear your heart stops when one of her manspread knees leans against your crossed ones and makes no attempt to move. She examines your behavior, and when she sees the ghost of a smile on your lips, she leans on her opened legs slightly to get more comfortable.
âSo what do yâ do in that big house all day, angel? Must get lonely.âÂ
These nicknames are doing terribly good things to you.Â
You hum. Sheâs completely correct, but the last thing you want is for her to pity you. âBake a lot, shop in the catalogs, watch movies, write in my books.â You shrug. âOh, and I take care of my Daisy girl.â A smile graces your perfect lips.Â
âThat your dog? Never seen her around,â she asked with questioning brows.
âNo,â you giggle, sending Vi into heaven. So beautiful. âItâs my lamb.â
A beat passes before she responds, a glint in her eye. âSo I should be calling you Bo Peep?â she jokes.Â
You laugh, knocking your knees against hers in playful scolding. Simple words, simple touches, a simple gathering that may be day to day life for anyone else in the town. But for you, this was the best thing to happen in years.Â
âDaisyâs a sweet name, matches her sweetheart of an owner.â she compliments you, and you graze your hand over your heart because you canât decipher why itâs speeding up. âWe sound real rugged compared to you. Our dogâs name is Rusty. Powder chââÂ
âHey!âÂ
A deep, raspy voice calls out from behind you. A few of you whip your heads around to see the source of the noise, whereas others stand out of shock as the man comes into your sight. âWhat are yâall doing on my property? Get over here!â Heâs moving quickly towards the group, and Ekkoâs the first to move his feet.
âTime to go,â Vi says hastily, standing. Without thinking, she takes your hands and pulls you to a stand. âYou a good runner?âÂ
No. I donât know. I havenât had anywhere to run in years.
Thatâs what you shouldâve said, but as stated earlier, a life of normalcy for today. And so, you lie.
âSureâ yes, yes.âÂ
Vi nods at that, tightening her grasp on one of your hands as she rushes to exit along with the others. Your hands stay intertwined as the pair of you dash through the greenery, avoiding unfriendly hanging branches, jumping over logs, and ducking under leaves.Â
Youâre terrified. The same glistening sweat that forms in your clammy hands makes another appearance on your forehead. A prickle crawls its way up your throat, and suddenly youâre hacking into your elbow as the cowgirl guides you close to her body while you near the edge of the woods. Your little red problem pounds against your chest as if itâs begging you to stop, to give up before it does, but you canât.
The man moves quickly, but heâs no match for adolescents of the countryside. By the time you reach the fields of your farm, heâs nowhere to be found.Â
Powderâs hollering and cheers of victory sound broken, doubling and distilled, coupled with a soft ringing sound and pressure around your head that only grows the longer you stand. The only thing you can hear clearly is your quick panting. That deep red blood is draining from your head and blazing heat is left in its place.Â
A blurry and distant Violet comes into your impaired vision, and you feel the soft sensation of her cupping your face with worried hands. âCherry?âÂ
Your mindâs swirling with thousands of sensations, and your terrified breaths grow increasingly shallow until you canât fight to stay awake any longer, falling into the arms of Vi. Thereâs yelling, someone scooping you up into their protective arms, orders being thrown around as youâre rushed towards the house, then silence. Complete and utter silence.Â
The female lead is on your screen twirling and rolling her hips with glee for the third time this week, and you wonder if you'll get a chance to dance like that.
Itâd been three days since you fainted after running from the farmer down the trail, three days since youâve seen Violet (or any of the farm helpers), and three days since youâve felt that inexplicable warmth in the pit of your stomach.Â
While you rendered unconscious, Vi and the others scrambled to get your limp body inside. They laid you out on your bed, arguing about whether or not to call for help, because they had no clue what was wrong with you.
Of course, you woke up a couple minutes later as you always do. You were confused and terrified, but strictly instructed to rest by the friends who promised theyâd stay until your father arrived. Fatigued even more than normal, you complied.
When your father arrived home an hour later, he stumbled upon Powder placing an ice pack on your sleeping head, Claggor and Mylo pacing the room in worry, Ekko attempting to research what exactly would have caused your current state, and Violet looking sick to her stomach as she cradled your soft hands in her rough ones; praying to whoeverâs up there that youâd be fine.Â
Needless to say, once theyâd confessed to leaving for the woods and running back (leaving out every bit alcohol related), heâd been beyond furious, placing you on total lockdown for recovery and demanding the helpers avoid the farm for a couple of days. After youâd gotten your medication in you and recovered after a full day of rest, he chewed you out too. âYou know Iâm just trying to keep you safe.â
But you didnât want safe anymore, you wanted life.Â
And Violet walked right through your front door. Literally.
The pinkette runs a hand through her fluffy hair before securing the cowboy hat back on her head. Her eyes are searching the house for the kitchen when they land on you, and a wave of relief washes over her.
âHi, angel.âÂ
Your heart speeds up, and this time, you donât need to question it.Â
âHi Violet,â you coo shyly, standing from your comfy position on the couch and making your way over to her, hands clasped behind your back.Â
She wastes no time cradling your face in her calloused fingers, the pair of your soft breaths filling the silence as the girl looks over you, finishing her personal assessment before swiping a thumb across your cheek in gentle comfort.Â
âI was so worried about you,â the whisper fell from her lips without shame.Â
âIâm fine, really.â you speak in the same tone, leaning into her sweet hand.
âNo, youâre not.â That catches you off guard. âWhen your father saw what happened he panicked, said something about your heart and thought you wereâŠâ she let your mind fill the blank with a glint of pain in her blue-gray eyes. âYou wanna tell me whatâs going on?âÂ
Your eyes drop to the floor, and before you have time to think about it, you speak. âIâm sick. The bad kind of sick that doesnât just go away after a couple days.â you canât look her in the eyes as you speak, just placing a finger to your chest. âI have a âbad heartâ, as my father puts it. Donât have a lot of energy, canât do much without getting too overwhelmed, dizzy spells and such..âÂ
You expect to see a crack in Viâs sweet eyes, a sign of distaste, of regret for caring about a broken girl, but her gaze only softens and a tender hand moves a piece of hair from your face.Â
âThat why youâre cooped up in here?â she asks, even though she knows the answer. You nod.Â
Itâs silent for some time, and the two of you enjoy the otherâs presence in such a milestone moment.Â
âI have somethinâ for the five of you,â you finally speak, pulling from her affectionate grasp. She nods, wiping the worry she feels in the pit of her stomach away so that she can be there for you. You stroll into the kitchen with the cowgirl behind you, opening and rummaging around the fridge as she takes a needed seat at the marble island.Â
She looks over your attire. A big bright red sweater hangs off your shoulders that covers your shorts, and a white bow in your hair that brings a smile back to her face.
You turn back around, setting down a tiffany blue cupcake platter and perfectly made white-frosted cupcakes with a purple design in the middle. You then pull out some tupperware, transferring cupcakes into it as Vi speaks.Â
âTheyâre Violets,â she says in surprise and you giggle, only nodding your head.Â
Marry me she thinks, before coming up with something more plausible to say. âIs this what youâre studying in college? You're gonna be a chef or somethinâ angel?âÂ
You pause before barely shaking your head. âNot goinâ to college this year.. my father says I need a gap year before âmaking any big decisionsâ,â you scoff, because the truth is he just canât let you go. âWorries me though. He wonât go out and buy me any textbooks or anything, Iâm gonna go stupid.â you whine.
Vi presses her lips together, clearly sharing your discontent with the situation.Â
âWell, I know youâll do great when you go. Thereâs already a strong brain in that pretty head of yours,â she grins.Â
A smile forms against your will as you look up at the girl.Â
âYou think Iâm pretty, Violet?âÂ
She responds quickly, like the words spilled out of her heart rather than being formulated in her head. âI think youâre gorgeous. Whoeverâs up there took their time making you.âÂ
Comfortable silence ensues as the roomâs filled with pounding hearts and warm faces of passion. Finally, you finish packing up Viâs cupcakes and place the box in front of her. She thanks you, looking to the side in thought before an idea flickers across her face.Â
The girl rises, lifting the hat from her head and leaning over the marble to place it atop your surprised head. She doesnât wait for your reaction as she picks up the cupcake box and a wooden crate from the ground (what she shouldâve been doing in the first place). âKeep that safe for me until tomorrow, cherry.âÂ
âBut isnât tomorrow your day off?â you ask, flicking the front of the hat so itâs above your eyes.
âYeah. Iâm coming to see you tomorrow.â
The sun couldnât set and rise fast enough.Â
You waited in so much anticipation that you woke up an hour earlier, practically shoved your father out of the house with his breakfast, and spent any extra time at a mirror fixing an out of place hair or switching your outfit for the fifth time.Â
You donât know why you doâ why you care so much. But before you can think too hard on it, the sound of someone pulling into your driveway blesses your ears and thereâs six soft knocks at the front door.Â
And so it starts with you and Vi seated on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. Your backs lean against the lower portion of the soft matter, and Vi pulls out a book. Four books, to be exact. One for each core subject.
You furrowed your brows in confusion, looking from the pile of literature to the fluffy haired girl.Â
âI was thinkinâ I'd bring some textbooks to you since you canât get âem yourself. Iâm in my second year now so I wonât be needinâ these ones anymore.â She somehow speaks with both suave confidence and warm-faced fear in unison. âWe could make it a thing, yâknow. Preparing for classes together.âÂ
âYes!â You speak with starstruck orbs.Â
Violet laughed with relief, because if she had to be completely honest, that wasnât the only reason she was here. She didnât need this time to prepare, maybe a quick refresh before the year started, but she definitely didnât need to be studying during summer. But if it gave her a chance to connect with you, sheâd study until her brain burst.Â
The helpersâ off days were Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So thatâs when Violet would pack her books, hop in her truck, and haul ass to your farm. Each session was the same. Youâd start out in comfortable silence reading your separate texts and answering questions or jotting notes down, then Violet would make a stupid joke about a picture in the book or get sidetracked by your bookshelf of dvds in front of her, and minutes later the room would be filled with fits of laughter, fuzzy brains, and your books completely discarded.Â
ââDirty dancingâ? Damn cherry, your father know you watch this stuff?â Vi grins, sliding the movie case back into its spot along the brown wooden shelf.Â
âItâs not that kinda movie, Violet. Itâs like.. set in the sixties.â you huff, holding back a smile at her playful words. The pinkette takes her seat next to you on the couch, manspread legs and a cunning smirk just inches away from your face.
âAnd what exactly is âone of those moviesâ, doll?â she teases.
You scoff.
âIâm sheltered, not stupid.â you play, a soft hand coming up to push against the girlâs arm.Â
Something flickers across the pinketteâs face before suddenly, sheâs on top of you.Â
Youâre pushed onto your back against the plush couch as pure muscle weighs above you, powerful hands swirl at your waist before your laughter fills her ears and your hand shoots out to grab at one of her arms. The pair of you struggle for power, pushing back and forth, twisting bodies, and yelling out competitive quips.Â
Finally, you smush the palm of your hand against Violetâs face, momentarily stunning her before the stronger girl grabs both of your wrists and pins them right above your head.Â
Soft panting and awestruck eyes decorate the both of you. The air is tighter, every inch of your body is suddenly aware of your positions, and no words are exchanged as you savor the feeling of her touch. God you feel weak, but you donât know whether to place the reasoning on Violet or your heart.Â
Violetâs about to lose it, because with the way your sweet eyes are trailing up her body to her face, her heart is clear.Â
She wantsâ no, craves you. Bad.Â
Itâs quiet for a moment longer before Vi clears her throat, reluctantly letting go of your wrists while moving back to stand.Â
âWe deserve a study break.â the cowgirl hums, crouching and examining the lower levels of the bookshelf.Â
âWe havenât even been studying,â you throw back and fix your skirt while sitting up. Vi finds the record sheâs been searching for, pulls it from its sleeve, and adjusts the player.
âOkay smart ass, we deserve a break.â she grins and the stylus hits the circular item.Â
A soft, sensual song makes its way through the air. Itâs older, a woman singing softly about her loverâs perfection, and you warm at the thought of a special someone fantasizing about you to the tune.Â
Vi stands in the middle of the spacious room, and when you donât move she waves her arm. âCâmere.â
You stand (a little quicker than you shouldâve), and make your way over. She wastes no time, gently moving one of your hands to her shoulder and intertwining fingers with your other. As for your free hand, she tenderly places it on your waist, looking for any discomfort in your face. All sheâs met with is big eyes of wonder and god, sheâs screwed.Â
âJust follow my lead.â sheâs speaking sensually under the music, thumb rubbing at your waist.Â
âOh please, I could dance circles around you.â you quip.
âIâm sure you could, doll. But itâs a slow dance, so we work together.â Your bodies move closer as she speaks, making you smile and lose the sassy attitude for a moment. Just a moment.
Angelic vocals encase the two of you. There are only sounds of that and gentle side steps before you speak once more.Â
âDid you know it was my birthday?â You stare straight into her eyes.
âWait, what?âÂ
âThe day we went to the woods. Is that why you asked me to come? Because it was my birthday?â you tilt your head.
She blinks twice before huffing a laugh. âNo, I didnât know. This mean I made you faint and get in trouble with your pops as a present?âÂ
You smile to yourself at the coincidence, holding her hand a bit tighter.Â
âHave you danced with someone like this before?â she asks.
You shake your head before pausing. âWell, once with my mother, but I was very little.âÂ
Viâs eyes soften a bit more. âIs she..?âÂ
You nod. âIt happened when I was eleven. She had the same problem as me, thatâs why heâs so protective.â Your voice is soft as you refer to your father. âI understand him, I really do, but Iâm just so tired of being separate from the world.â
The girl can only nod, the hand around your waist snakes around to your back and pulls closer until your bodies are almost plush against each other.Â
âThank you for trusting me with that,â she whispers. And suddenly, thereâs soft giggles. Youâre laughing because the tough, suave cowgirl you know can be such a sap.Â
Your laughter dies down and you shake your head before placing it between the crook of Viâs neck, softening into your sappy cowgirl. âTalk to me about something good,â you hum.
âIâm takinâ you out on a date Friday.âÂ
Your eyes widen and you pull your head back to look her in the eyes.
She stammers and mentally groans because youâre the only one who could ever make Violet Lane stammer. âWellâ if you say yes.âÂ
No.
Thatâs what youâre supposed to say, and what you should say. Not because of your fatherâs influence, not for your safety, but because youâre afraid. Afraid of the trouble you could get Vi into, of dealing with the unknown, but most importantly you were afraid of hurting her.Â
While you arenât bedridden, your life is fragile, and the thought of being a burden to Vi was heavy and present. How long could she stand you until she got tired of your neediness? How long until sheâs tired of hearing about all the things you canât do? Sheâs spontaneous, reckless, fun, and you thought she deserves to end up with someone just like that. Someone youâre not.Â
But right now, you want her, and she needs you, so you give her what you can.Â
âOf course,â you agree with a genuine, toothy smile, and the pinkette sighs of relief.Â
The song finally comes to a stop.Â
For the first time, youâre glad your father works all day long, because thereâs no way you could sneak someone as loud as Powder around your house.Â
Her squeals of embarrassment and your laughter echo from the kitchen throughout every room of your home. Your canvases and paints are neglected as you point an accusatory finger at a message on her screen. A message from âEkko <3â.Â
âI knew it! The way you talk to each otherâ âOh Ekko! Youâre just so smart,ââ you mock her, making the girlâs face change colors faster than youâve ever seen.Â
âI do not say things like that!â She yells back, making you giggle harder. âAnd we arenât dating.âÂ
âWhy not?â you whine. You clasp your hands as if a plea is about to fall from your lips when a ding rings throughout the room. You look down and gasp. A message from âLux <3â.Â
You pause, eyes flickering to the girl. âDo you have everyone saved with a heart?â
She shakes her head.Â
âJust those two?â
She nods.Â
âOh, this is just like the movies!â Your laughter repeats like a loop. The girl groans at you and moves her phone to the other end of the marble countertop. âIâm kiddingâ awhh, Powder!â
She shakes her head. âThis conversation is all the way over.â
It takes a moment for your giggles to die down, and soon youâre nudging the bluenetteâs shoulder with yours gently. âYouâll make the right decision, just donât waste time overthinking it. Follow your heart.âÂ
She raises her eyebrows, picking up her paintbrush. âI could give you the same advice.âÂ
You scoff out a laugh, gaze landing on your taunting medications in the corner of a counter. âMy heart is fighting itself. Wants two different things at once. Certainly canât have both.âÂ
âThen follow your mental heart, not your physical one.âÂ
You pause, brows furrowing as you look at her with suspicious eyes. âDid Violet..âÂ
Powder shakes her head before you can finish. âNo. She can keep a secret, especially for you. I connected the dots on my own,â she shrugs, swiping an electric blue line across the clean canvas. âYâknow, the meds, how protective your father is. Once, on one of your bad days, I looked through a window and saw you sitting down a third of the way up the stairs looking all dizzy and breathless. You fainting just tied it all together,â she hums.Â
You burn holes into the ground with your utterly ashamed gaze.
âI donât want anything bad to happen to you, but you should live the life you want rather than being trapped in one you yearn to escape. And you can count on that big baby to protect you.â You let out a little laugh, nodding at the younger girlâs sweet words.Â
âOh yeah, she wanted me to give you this. Dummy forgot it yesterday.âÂ
Powder sets the brush down and rummages around her tote bag that lays on the counter, pulling out a tiny black velvet box and handing it to you before turning back to her self-proclaimed masterpiece.Â
Your heart swells in the best way possible, and you flick open the little clasp to reveal a thick golden ring with two red dots and a green leaf in the middle. Itâs accompanied by a small white note with bright red writing.
âHappy birthday, cherry.â
âI knew they were together!â
You stare out of the windows of Viâs truck into the town square. Your gaze is fixed on Miss Medarda and Mister Talis, who are sitting suspiciously close to each other on a bench near one of the decorative fountains.Â
Vi fixes her dark brown hat as a laugh escapes her. âNo way, heâs always chatting up this guyâ one of the professors at U.P.â Vi refers to her college, and it takes you a second to understand.Â
âHis hand was on her thigh, Violet. That was pure romance.âÂ
Vi pauses, seemingly focused on the road ahead, but the lightbulb look behind her eyes that appears makes you think otherwise. âYeah, yeah, weâll see whoâs right.â she jokes after remembering she hadnât responded.Â
Vibrant sunlight hits almost every inch of the truck and illuminates the town that passes by as the pinkette turns down a road surrounded by greenery. You spin the gifted ring on your finger once, then twice, out of nervousness. Itâd been years since you left your house for anything but the doctorâs, let alone a date. A thousand and one possibilities whirled through your mind, but were quickly flushed out at the sound of Viâs voice.Â
âI see you got your gift,â she smiles, eyes flicking away from the road down to your ring and back. âI like how it looks on you.âÂ
She was skilled at putting up a flirtatious and unbothered front, because on the inside you had her absolutely melting. Out of all ten options, you chose to secure her gift on your left ring finger.Â
Youâll be the death of her, no doubt.Â
âItâs perfect,â you look over to her with hearts in your eyes. âThanks, cowgirl.âÂ
She nods, eyes flickering back down before she takes her right hand off of the wheel and down to thumb the end of your shorts. âI like these too, real damn pretty.âÂ
You giggle, and somehow the swarm of butterflies in your gut doubles in size, because instead of returning to the wheel, the girlâs hand is delicately placed onto your inner thigh. Her calloused hands gently cup your skin, and sheâs grateful you canât read minds because sheâs terrified of your potential reaction.
You canât fight the smile that crawls its way onto your warm face. The only thought that runs through your mind is how this is even better than the movies.
âWell I hope Iâm dressed well enough for whatever weâre doing today. Wish you woulda told me.â You finally reply, softening under her touch. You swear you hear her let out a little sigh of relief.Â
âThatâd ruin the surprise. Iâve gotta wow you.â she sends you a wink and your laughter fills the car with joy.Â
It doesnât take long until youâre pulling into the driveway of Violetâs house. Itâs beautiful, all brown and white with flowers out front that Powder planted herself, high school graduation yard signs, and fresh open space. Still, a panicked look sets on your face.Â
âWait, wait, Vanderâs gonna see meâ heâll tell my dad,â you stammer.
Vi cuts the engine, gently taking a hold of your chin to redirect your gaze as she speaks reassuringly. âHey, hey. Heâs not here you worrywart, wonât be home until late tonight.â Your eyes soften and you sigh. âBesides,â she starts, âweâre going over there.âÂ
Just past the house is a matching white and brown barn-esque building. Stables.
âSheâs so big!â you yell with awestruck eyes as Vi pulls the red roan out of the stables by the lead. âWhatâs her name? Whenâd you get her? Wow Iâve never seen one of these up close, mama was afraid of âem and my father doesnât ride.â You speak at rapid fire making Violet snicker.Â
âSlow down,â she instructs, standing between you and the hairy beauty. The girl takes your hand, placing it on the horseâs shoulder, giving you the okay to pet. âHer nameâs Gunner, she was my fifteenth birthday present, and I canât imagine your pops getting anywhere near a horse.â You playfully hit her with your unoccupied hand.Â
âGunner,â you whisper, âbadass.âÂ
Vi chuckles, because swearing sounds so foreign to you.
âYou ready?â She asks, slipping her black riding helmet on your head.
âWait, what?â
âYou think I brought you here just to stare at her?â she smirks, completely mesmerized by your face while tightening the straps of the protective gear. âWeâll go slow this time, I promise. Okay?âÂ
The promise of this happening again makes your heart flutter, and all of the gears in your brain stop spinning before you respond, âOkay.â
She helps you onto Gunner, patting the small of your back before hopping up right behind you. Her warm arms snake around your waist and grab hold of the reins in her hands. Her muscular front is smushed against your back, her head placed inches to the right of yours.Â
âNow, gently squeeze his middle with your calves,â she instructs.
You obey, and the red roan begins its walk. Itâs slow, peaceful, but such a new experience to you that a sweet gasp of surprise falls from your lips.Â
The two of you sit in silence, appreciating the comfort of each othersâ presence and warm golden light shining upon you as the beauty of nature captures you. In the green pasture of Viâs fields, you feel like youâre breathing for the first time in five long years.Â
Gunner simply walks for a few minutes as you point out pretty flowers that you pass and Violet mentally compiles a bouquet for you. Viâs talking about her years as a kid in this field. When sheâd lost (and found) her favorite toy bunny out here, or dared Mylo to walk through the vast field at the dead of night. Suddenly youâre begging to see some baby photos.Â
Itâs at this moment that everythingâs easy. Viâs admiring everything about you with eyes of love whenâ
Gunnerâs neigh sounds like a shriek of terror when three birds zip past, spooking the roan into a 180 and bolt away before Vi can make it out of her trance.Â
You yelp from the sudden change in speed, almost slipping off of the animal, but Viâs there to keep you securely fastened against her as she takes control of it. Just as fast as it changed, Gunnerâs speed slows to a stop. You can feel just how tense Vi is as she speaks.Â
âShit. Iâm so sorry, doll. She gets spooked so easily andâ god, Iâm sorry for scarinâ you.â
Itâs silent for a moment. The scariest moment of the pink haired girlâs life, because she canât see your twinkling grin that spreads from ear to ear before you laugh.Â
âThat was so cool!â you beam, leaning forward to pat at the horse. âNot so badass though, huh?â
After a few more apologies and you repeatedly telling Vi that it was fine, you two decided it was best to turn in for the day.Â
You sigh, sitting against the short wooden fence. âI wanna rest for a minute, that okay?â âI need to take a rest, I donât have any energyïżœïżœïżœ is what you actually mean, but you choose not to worry her.Â
She wastes no time plopping down onto the grass next to you, eyes raising to the baby blue sky. She gives you a few moments of silence, sneaking glances at your face every so often, before speaking.Â
âPowder and Claggor were talking about how awesome itâd be if we took you to a Seraphine concert. Think youâd like her music a lot.â she hums, smiling to herself.Â
âAnd one day, I'm gonna take you line dancing so we can settle our little debate once and for all.â Her grinning face is inches away from you and her overpowering scent of amber and musk ensues.Â
âOh really?â Your voice is soft as your head turns, looking Violet up and down with half-lidded eyes. âI think..âÂ
You quickly mount Viâs lap, pushing the girl onto her back and pinning those muscular arms right beside her head with both of your hands. Youâre both all giggles and grunts, and even though thereâs no way youâd stand a chance against her in a real tussle, she lets you win.Â
You lay there, one atop the other in a field of colors. The tension is so thick that not even a knife could cut it, and your grip softens when tender hands reach up to cup your face, a thumb stroking your cheek. The sun, her hands, her sparkling blue eyes, and the love radiating between the two of you has you all but melting. Youâre leaning down, inching closer each second, and just before Viâs dreams come true, you stop.Â
You pull back with newly glossy eyes, dismounting the girl while whispering apologies that get lodged in your throat. âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry.âÂ
You want nothing more than to connect your lips and hearts, but you were so afraid. How long until she resents you? How long until itâs over? Youâd grown accustomed to heartaches, but never heartbreak.
But Violet craves you more than plants crave water, she needs you more than the Earth needs the sun. You just donât know it.Â
âHey,â she whispers, sitting up and holding your chin as if routine. âLook at me, angel.âÂ
You comply with built up tears that threaten to stain your cheeks.Â
âYou donât have to apologize for something like that,â she consoles, never looking away from your softened eyes. âWe can go as slow or as fast as you want, okay?âÂ
You wipe your tears with the side of your hand, choking out your words. âI justâ I donât want to disappoint you.â I donât want you to hate me once Iâm gone.Â
âDisappoint me?â She stiffles out a laugh. âYou donât know how bad I want you. But Iâll wait until the end of time if you ask me to, hell, Iâd lasso the moon and bring it down if you wanted.â
That makes you sniffle and let out a breathy laugh, bringing Violet some relief. The girl slowly inches forward to make sure youâre completely okay with it before placing a warmhearted kiss to your forehead. Itâs quick and simple, but causes an eruption of butterflies in your gut. Soon, your troubles are forgotten.Â
âLetâs get you home, yeah?âÂ
âWhatâd I say about keeping this door open?â Vi raises a brow, leaning against the doorframe as she stares at an unbothered Powder whoâs doing her mascara, and a flustered Ekko.Â
âMustïżœïżœve been the wind.â Powder mutters.
âShe wouldnât listen!â He raises his hands in innocence from his position on a neon pink beanbag.
Itâs silent before the three burst out in laughter, and Viâs shaking her head as they catch their breath.Â
âHurry up though, weâre gonna be late to Laurierâs.âÂ
âNot today, Vi.â Vanderâs voice bellows from behind her, making her turn her head with furrowed brows. âHe gave the five of you a day off.âÂ
A smile graces Ekkoâs lips and Powder is whooping in the back, but Viâs lips drop into a subtle frown.Â
âAwhh,â Powder coos, âpoor Vi doesnât get to see her girlfriend today, how ever will she live?âÂ
The teens snicker, but the pinkette notices the uneasy look on his face, the one where he has something to say but just canât spit it out. âWhat?âÂ
The burly man runs a hand across his beard with a sigh.Â
âHis daughter.â The entire room pauses. âShe's terribly ill today, bedridden. Heâs staying home to watch over her so thereâs no need for farââ
Vander doesnât get to finish his explanation, because Viâs pulling the keys from her pocket and rushing past him towards the front door.Â
It takes almost running three red lights and a long, torturous talk with your father about being able to speak to you just for an hour, but at your bedroom door stands Vi, taking off her hat to look at you with big worried eyes. âCherry,â she calls out.Â
You feel absolutely horrendous.Â
Your breaths are shallow, your ankles feel swollen beyond belief (you thanked god Violet couldnât see them from under the blanket), and your eyelids weighed a thousand pounds, threatening to drop from fatigue.Â
âWhatâs going on? What can I do?â she asks, wasting no time walking over to your pretty bed and taking a seat right next to you.Â
You shake your pillow-elevated head, laying on your side to face her with a soft smile. âCanât do anything, itâs just a bad day.â You reach a hand out to grab her calloused one and intertwine your fingers. âJust glad youâre here.â
âHowâd you get past my father?â you whisper, relaxing into the soft matter.
Vi huffs out a laugh, readjusting to lay down as she speaks. âConvinced him that Iâm extremely knowledgeable in this area because Iâm studying to be in the medical field. So he thought itâd be fine if I watched over you while he feeds the cattle.âÂ
You giggle with a teasing look. âOh yeah, what have you learned?âÂ
âCherries are good for the heart,â she says all âmatter of factâ like. âThey have potassium and antioxidants to reduce inflammation.âÂ
âI should be the one calling you cherry, then.â You hum. You donât know how much it means to Vi to hear that sheâs âgood for youâ.
Itâs quiet again, and you spend time shamelessly looking over every inch of the girlâs face, landing on her powder-blue orbs. âYou know, your children would have some beautiful eyes.âÂ
âAnd yours would be beautiful all around,â thereâs not a trace of doubt in her voice. âWhat would you name them?â She asks and throws out silly names as you look around in thought, âBatman? Lice? Maddie?âÂ
âHow is Maddie as bad as those names?âÂ
âI just donât like it!â
Your giggles fill the room before you shake your intertwined hand. âMaybe either.. Josie or Clementine? They sound.. warm. Safe.âÂ
Vi nods, pulling you closer into her chest and draping an arm over you that cradles your back, âJosie it is.â
Your ears burn as you nuzzle into her. âAnd weâll live in a big pretty house in the city, surrounded by noise and culture and life.â You wished so badly.Â
âWe?â Vi asks.
âMe, Josie⊠and you.â You look up at her with the last of your bodyâs strength. âIf youâll join us.âÂ
That spark in Violetâs stomach has grown to a full fire heating her body. Her dream girlâs lying in her arms, talking her ears off about their hypothetical future together, all while looking up at her with pupils blown wide as if sheâs your knight in shining armor.
âOf course,â she agrees, âbut weâll have to bring Rusty and Gunner along.âÂ
You snicker with a nod. âSounds perfect.âÂ
Thereâs a glint in the girlâs eyes as she trails her hand up your back to the soft skin of your face. âA pretty house, an adorable daughter, my rascal animals,â you let out a weak laugh, âand my pretty girl to share it all with.â
Your heart skips a beat. âYours?â you tease.
âYeah, mine.âÂ
Sheâs tracing meaningless patterns on your neck with one hand while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear with the other. And god, whatever this feeling is itâs too good, too sweet, too sensual. Your waiting lips are slightly agape in awe, and it doesnât take long before Vi whispers, âCan I?âÂ
This time, âyesâ is the only word that pops into your brain and slips from your mouth as Viâs lips crash into yours.Â
Her lips are melting into yours with so much intensity that itâs hard to keep up. You let her take the lead while your scents, minds, and tongues mix together in a bundle of passion. Her grip around you never loosens. Fingers thread through your hair, and her slightly chapped lips dread leaving yours, because your kisses are the air she needs to breathe.Â
A whine falls from you when she reluctantly pulls away from your sweet mouth, placing four chaste kisses on your cheeks, nose, and forehead.Â
âYou need to rest,â she coos, peppering your forehead with another (much needed) kiss, and keeping the close proximity as her arms wrap around you. Thereâs no argument, because the adrenaline rush from her kiss is wearing off and that wave of exhaustion snakes its way back.Â
There you lay, bodies intertwined and souls tying as the sound of Viâs healthy heartbeat lulls you to sleep.Â
Once youâre out, you stay sound asleep as Vi hesitantly leaves your bed.
You stay sound asleep as she trots downstairs where your father places weights of guilt upon her, claiming he knows you two have been sneaking around, and itâs her fault youâre in this current state.Â
You stay sound asleep as he demands she doesnât return to the farm, permanently.Â
With every inch of your worn down heart, you hate Violet Lane.Â
And while deep down you know thatâs not the slightest bit true, you still act like it.Â
When you woke up the next day, the birds singing and a beaming face as you skipped downstairs to hug your father good morning, the last thing you expected was to hear the all too confusing news that Vi had quit. Along with the rest of her siblings and friend just an hour after.Â
Unfortunately, you were none the wiser, and slowly sulked up the stairs and sank into your bed where you cried yourself back to sleep.Â
For the first couple days, it didnât make sense. The way she looked at you with those big puppy dog eyes, her tender care, the ways she spoke to and about you, it all seemed so real. It had to be real.Â
On day three, you decided that acting was just one of her many skills.Â
By day four, you had it figured out, or so you thought. Vi was a flirtatious asshole who wanted nothing more than some street credit for kissing the untouchable, locked up, sick princess right under her overbearing fatherâs nose. Coming to and believing such a conclusion felt like a stab in the side, and the knife only twisted when you factored in the fact that the others mustâve known about this, which is why they left alongside her.Â
You thought youâd become accustomed to all of the heart pains in the world, but you were wrong.
Tears fell from your eyes like a waterfall until they grew dry, your baking pans yearned to be used but were shoved away into a cabinet, and what hurt the most was knowing your father was right for keeping you locked up all these years. You werenât free, but you were safe.Â
Finally, on day five, youâre engulfed by the plush matter of your couch when thereâs six knocks at the door and someoneâs calling out for you: âCherry?âÂ
You scoff at her audacity.Â
When you storm over and yank open the door with the meanest glare Viâs ever seen from the prettiest girl she knows, youâre met with Ekko leaning against your white picket fence with his arms crossed, Powder standing next to him with a worried face, Claggor and Mylo relaxed against Viâs bright red truck, and said truck-driver right in front of you looking absolutely sick.Â
And you slam the door right in her backstabbing face.
âSeriously?â Vi huffs out, earning a stifled laugh and whistle from Mylo.
âGo away, Violet.â You yell through the door, voice the sternest sheâs ever heard.
âFuck no. Whatâs going on?â
âWhy donât you tell me?â you counter, back pressed against your barrier. âYou got all that you wanted from me, and then you quit and disappear from my life. So why are you back, huh?âÂ
Youâre lucky youâre packed with pent up anger, because tears are bubbling in the corners of your eyes and yelling is the only thing keeping them from spilling over.
âWhat?â the pinkette's completely taken aback, because she has no clue what youâre on about.Â
âThatâs notââ she sighs, lowering her voice before speaking. âIâll never get enough of you. Iâd take a thousand kisses and so, so much more if youâd let me, but thatâs not why I see you, angel.â
Your eyes soften and hurt brows furrow because damn, sheâs a good actress.Â
âAnd I didnât quit. That afternoon when you fell asleep, your old man practically dragged me out of your house and fired me. Said I caused your symptoms to worsen. I thought Iâd lay low for a few daysâ and believe me when I say these were the hardest days of my life, but I didnât want to get you in any trouble.âÂ
Your bottom lip is bitten red until you finally cave, creeping the door open just enough to show your face.
âYou promise?â you ask, and Violetâs heart is aching.Â
âCross my heart.â she replies.
Thatâs all it takes for you to swing the door open and jump into her arms. She stumbles back in surprise before applying the same force, arms wrapping around your waist as she melts into yours cradling her neck.Â
Youâre sniffling, taking deep breaths before you speak. âReally thought you left me,â you croak out.Â
âYouâre not getting rid of me that easily.â she teases, placing a tender kiss on your forehead as you giggle and blink away tears.Â
âNow go get changed, weâre going out,â a grin tugs at the corner of her lips when your happy eyes make contact with hers. You blink, an idea flashing across your face, before pulling her inside by the wrist, yelling âjust a minute!â to the others, before hastily shutting the door.Â
Violetâs eyes graze over every last atom of your body as your hips sway in front of her, babbling with Powder about who knows what, because she hasnât been focused since you dragged her into your bedroom âinnocentlyâ needing help with your outfit.Â
She stood in your doorway curiously, thinking sheâd only be there for a second, maybe youâd never been to a rodeo and needed advice.Â
That was, until you paused at your walk in closet, a cheeky smirk on your lips that Vi desperately wanted to taste as you nod your head towards the bed. âSit.âÂ
And she obeyed, manspread legs at the edge of your bed as you walk infront of her with a few items on white hangers. All frills, lace, denim skirts and shorts, and Viâs reasonably concluded she died and went to heaven.Â
âI could wear..â you shift the hangers around, âthis with this skirt, or maybe these shorts and.. ooh, these boots match my panties.â You get a rise out of seeing the usually suave girl short circuit at the words that bless her ears. Definitely in heaven.Â
But Vi came to the realization that she was, in fact, alive. Because her heart truly stopped beating when she helped you settle on your pieces, threw her a sugary sweet âthanks, Vi,â did a casual 180, and stuck your ass out to drag your skirt down painfully slow.Â
Oh, those boots do match your panties.Â
Now here you stand in a lacy red top, denim shorts that have her thanking god for your creation, and matching cherry red cowgirl boots that graced her eyes the first day you met.Â
Neverending chatter fills your ears from other attendees, the overwhelming scent of kettle popcorn from a nearby booth stuffs your nostrils, and you see Ekko nudge at Vi, saying something that you canât hear over the bluenette beside you talking your ear off about the stunning horses she sees.Â
Suddenly, Viâs walking up to you and smushing her hat onto your head with her famous smirk. âKeep it safe for me, doll?â
You nod mindlessly, a hand coming up to fix its position on your head.Â
âWhere ya goinâ?â Powder calls out to the platinum blonde boy whoâs ushering Vi to hurry up.
âOur annual face off,â he throws her a wink, and the girlâs rolling her eyes with a playful scoff.Â
Before you can even ask, sheâs locking arms with you and dragging you along to an even more crowded area. Thereâs various groups of people surrounding a blocked off area containing a big, black, circular inflatable mat. And directly in the middle is a mischievous brown mechanical bull.Â
âAre they..â and your question is deemed useless when Ekko mounts the hairy machine, pumping his hands up in motion for the crowd to whoop and holler. Of course, they do.Â
Ekko does good, to say the least.
One hand grips the bull while the other is thrown up into the air as the machine thrashes him and his white locs every which way. The intensity increases as it tauntingly speeds up, thrashing harder, and spinning recklessly. Finally, heâs bucked off, rolling to a stand and flashing his pearly whites as the crowd cheers.
A giggle falls from your mouth as your hip nudges Powder whoâs in complete awe, and she warms in embarrassment.Â
Vi and Ekko fake tension, sending joking competitive glares as they switch places. Now itâs the pink haired cowgirl thatâs mounting the mechanical animal.Â
You never thought youâd be admiring this sort of thing, but Violetâs never fails to twist your stomach in knots.
With a hand gripping the bull and the other resting on the back of her head, she bucks her hips back and forth to counter the thrashing machine. Sheâs focused, her sculpted muscles flexing as she holds on tight, but a cocky smile is plastered on her face with teeth biting down on her rosy lips.Â
Surrounding girls (including yourself) are wooing at the sight.Â
Vi makes it through the most chaotic shakes and spins as the bull finally comes to a controlled stop, and youâre cheering louder than you ever thought you could.Â
âWoo! Hell yeah!â you cry out. The girlâs cheesing harder than ever when she hears your support, and the smile lasts all the way over to a fake booing Ekko who rolls his eyes and slips her a twenty dollar bill from his pocket.Â
You and Powder unlock arms to move over to the riders. A chuckle of amusement spills from you, and youâre securing Violetâs hat back over her fluffy hair. âThat was real impressive, cowgirl.âÂ
âYeah?â she coos.Â
âYeah.â The atmosphere grows heavier, each of your eyes searching the otherâs like thereâs treasure to find. But your little staring contest as Claggor speaks.Â
âEarth to lovebirds,â he hums politely. âYou coming?âÂ
Youâre quick to nod, but Vi gently holds your wrist, making you pause. âActually, I wanted to show cherry around some more. Catch up later?â She asks, but sheâs already pulling you away before Claggor nods in agreement and the group goes in the opposite direction as you.Â
You speed up, feet coming into step with the girl whoâs needily pulling you. Her silent prayers are answered when she spots a more secluded area behind a building and some fences.Â
âVi,â you snicker, cheeks warming in nervousness, âwhat are we doing?âÂ
She hums through half lidded orbs, hands finding their place on your hips and hastily pushing you against the wall that covers the two of you from the eyes of others. Youâre looking up at her with the sweetest glint in your eyes and itâs driving her absolutely mad.Â
âYou said I was real impressive, right?â Her voice is smoother, breathier.Â
Ohh.
You tilt your head, teeth chewing on your abused bottom lip before you mutter. âThatâs right.. think you deserve a reward, huh?âÂ
âExactly what I was thinkinâ, sweetheart.âÂ
The newfound nickname is sending a shiver up your spine that transforms into a blazing warmth when Viâs lips fit into yours like puzzle pieces. This time, messy limbs are thrown over each other. Your hand travels from her hands that are cradling your heated face, down to her abs (making her shiver as you scrape your nails across), to tangle in what pink locks arenât captured by her hat.Â
A strong hand makes its way around your waist, pulling you dangerously closer to rub against her body. God, sheâs good at this.
âVi..â youâre finally able to whisper as she trails kisses along your jaw and down to your neck. You can feel her smirk against the area where she peppers you with affection.Â
And itâs perfect.
Not just the way sheâs kissing you, or the fact that youâre kissing at all. Itâs the environment, the feelings, the friendships that youâve made with the others, the fact that for today, youâre living a normal life. Itâs the fact that for a moment, you can cheer on your friends in a competition, you can lock arms with a friend and woo over others, you can get lost in passionate kisses with a girl and not have another care in the world.Â
You wished it could stay this way forever.Â
You lose all sense of shame, letting a soft grunt slip from your lips at the feeling of teeth and a âpopâ on your neck. Itâs only a matter of seconds before both of your eyes widen and Viâs pulling back with a crooked smile on her face.Â
âDid you..âÂ
She wordlessly eyes the red-purple love bite forming on the back-side of your neck, just below your ear.Â
âViolet!â you drag out with a whine, sending her into a soft fit of laughter. She feels guilty, but youâre just too cute.Â
You have a love-hate relationship with the neon lights that are beaming throughout the spacious room that brings more noise than youâve heard in the past five yearsâ maybe more than your entire life.Â
On one hand, the flashing colors are starting to give you a major headache. On the other, the red glow that decorates Violetâs face as she grins down at you has your insides doing summersaults.Â
Nevermind. You love the lights.Â
âCâmon yâall,â Powder calls out with a chipper expression. Ekkoâs standing properly in line and his blue haired companion, whoâs already freestyling, spins out of control and squeals up a storm.Â
âYou ready?â Viâs words kiss your ear as she holds both of your hands, pulling you out to the dance floor.Â
âAre you?âÂ
Your sass has her laughing, and she brings her tongue out to wet her bottom lip. âFollow my lead, cherry.âÂ
And for a few moments, you do. All of the surrounding crowd dances the same to the upbeat, fast-paced country song that pierces your ears, so you replicate Viâs mixed steps and cute little head tilts with her hand on that chocolate hat.Â
But then the song changes, itâs more passion filled and fiery. All it takes is Powder spinning out of line and shamelessly making her own moves before youâre formulating the steps in your head. From movies you watched religiously to mindlessly shuffling your own feet late at night, you danced for the little girl who longed to have fun, who longed to be free.Â
Youâre clicking the heels of your boots against the ground, moving your hips as fluid as water, and bringing your hands up just for them to slide down your sides with a heart-stopping smile tugging at your lips.Â
Violetâs in awe, because her girlâs fearless and full of smiles, and she couldnât be happier for you.Â
And thereâs no doubt in her mind that this is the only girl sheâll ever want, need, crave.Â
She whistles, looking up and down with the most amused expression youâve ever encountered. âJesus, alright you win, doll.â
âYeah?â The tease comes out a bit breathless, but you play it off as dancing too wildly.
You look at the pink haired beauty through thick lashes. Inching dangerously closer as you sway, Violetâs hands have a powerful hold on your soft waist. You stumble over your feet once, then twice, and she notices.Â
âSlow down there cowgirl,â she chuckles, but her gaze is tender under the carefree mask. âYou alright?â
Itâs unbearably toasty in the room, and you feel two times hotter with each passing second. But you donât want it to end, so you wave her off, throwing out an âIâm good!â
But youâre not, and itâs evident on your face when the small âheadacheâ turns to tight pressure smothering your scalp, and youâre losing your balance as you search for an exit.Â
âI just need some air,â you mumble, turning your head. The room shifted under your feet, vision blurring in a haze. You took three measly steps forward, and on your fourth, you crumbled.
Your body gives out under you, and Viâs right there to catch you when it does. Her arms snake around your waist to hold you up before she lifts you in her arms with big eyes and wavering lips.Â
âShit. Ekko, come here! Powder, go get Mylo and Claggor.âÂ
The five haul ass to Viâs truck, the pinkette tossing her keys to Ekko as he and Mylo hop in the front. She, Claggor, and Powder take seats in the bed of the truck. When you finally come to, your back is laid against Viâs worrisome chest, and you get the fresh air you were looking for from the speed Ekkoâs driving to get you home.Â
But when you pull into the driveway of your home, thereâs already a car waiting for you, and there stands your father with his arms crossed and pure fury in his eyes.Â
And youâre in so much fucking trouble.Â
The others attempt to plead your case, in good ways and in bad, as the man scolds everyone in sight.
âMister, we just went out to dance.âÂ
âSheâs not a child you know, you canât keep her cooped up here forever.â
âPlease just understand.âÂ
Everything goes in one ear and out the other, because in the chaos silently sits you and Violet. Youâre still breathless, and this headache is gonna last longer than you want it to, but you relax into the warmth of Vi for one last time.Â
You pull back, ignoring the spike of pain that flashes across your brain, and turn to the girl with a tight lipped smile. âIâm sorry, you guys should just go.âÂ
She looks pained, like she wants to say something, she wants to help. But she nods, placing a chaste kiss to your temple just as youâre sliding out of the truck bed and over to your father. He hastily drags you inside while you bid farewell to your moping knights.
With every inch of your worn down heart, you love Violet Lane.Â
And youâre not an idiot, youâre sure she loves you too.Â
Thatâs what makes coming to a conclusion impossible on almost every level.Â
Your physical heart says this is the most idiotic decision youâve made in your entire life. Youâve had worse symptoms than normal, youâre putting yourself in danger in the name of âfunâ, and the thought thatâs lingering in the back of everyoneâs mind is one you canât ignore: just how long will you make it?Â
Your mental heart says this is the best thing youâve ever done. Youâre happy, youâre in love, you have real friends, and youâre finally starting to see the point in living. Not just from a tv screen or the books your father supplies, but through your own eyes and experiences. And even though your father seemed overbearing, you know heâs afraid. Heâs taken on all of the worry and stress so that you donât have to. If you wanted something to change, you had to take the leap yourself. But youâre not sure you can.
Thereâs six knocks at the door, and you stay seated in your position on the couch. âItâs open,â you call out.
The clack of familiar boots enter the room, and a wave of musk and amber suffocate you when Vi walks past you to sit at your side.Â
Itâs silent. Not your comfortable, daydream filled state of silence that Vi could watch you in forever. Itâs awkward, strangulating silence, and she canât take it.
âYesterday was..â
â...amazing.â âA mistake.âÂ
You speak at the same time, eyes flickering at each other's response.Â
âWhat are you talking about?â Vi asks, setting her textbooks down. You donât miss the newfound waver in the back of her voice.Â
You donât respond. You donât want to go through with this conversation.
â..Is this about the hickey?â she flashes a strained smile, âIâm sorry if he saw it, doll. Reallââ
âThis isnât a joke, Violet.â you finally speak, eyes strictly trained down on your fiddling hands in your lap. The tears are bubbling at your eyelids and that itchy, sore feeling is crawling its way up your throat.Â
âThen what is it about? You and your dad? Look, I can talk to him, Iâll make things right.â Her voice is increasingly wavered, desperate, scared.Â
âOurââ you inhale a shaky breath, ââ this, us, whatever we are is an inconvenience. An inconvenience to my father, an inconvenience to my health, an inconvenience to you.â Your voice breaks with the last word. âIâm a burden Violet, face it.â
You canât see it with the tears blurring your vision, but Viâs shaking her head in horror. âNo. No, what are you going on about? You arenââÂ
âGod just face it, Vi. All you wanted was to love a girl and you got a defective one.â You spit the words out like they sting on your tongue. âSoon, youâll be annoyed by everything I canât do and bored of everything I can.âÂ
âMaybe weâre just notâŠâ you canât continue as silent tears transform into quiet little sobs.Â
Viâs heart aches as she kneels down on the floor in front of you, examining your now puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. She wants nothing more than to kiss the pain away, but first she has to fix that worrisome little mind of yours.
One hand intertwines with your anxious ones, and the other reaches up as rough fingers delicately hold your chin, a soft thumb rubs back and forth against your cheek. She whispers out your name with a voice thatâs holding back sadness of her own. When youâre finally ready to look at her, she smiles delicately.
âYou donât know how bad I want you. But Iâll wait until the end of time if you ask me to. Iâd lasso the moon and bring it down for you if you asked.â You recognize her sweet words from your first date, and youâre weakly melting into the palm of her hand thatâs sliding to cup your face.Â
âI meant it then, and I mean it now,â she whispers. âI will never be annoyed by what you can or canât doâ god, I'd sit here and talk to you about slugs all day everyday if thatâs what you really wanted.â That has you scoffing, fighting back a smile at her silly words.Â
âLove isnât about the activities you can or canât do, itâs about a connection, our connection, and what we do with it. So, you can get rid of me if this is all true and thatâs what you really want, but I will never stop loving you.â Sheâs speaking so sweetly, and before she even finishes her sentence youâve made up your mind.Â
âYouâre good for my heart, cherry.âÂ
Those are the last words she can get out before youâre throwing yourself forward and locking lips with the love of your life.Â
It starts off slow, soft, an apology for the rollercoaster of emotions and blunder of nonsense you put yourselves through. Then, Viâs hands are cupping your face and the back of your head while yours are thrown around her neck. Itâs needier, sloppier, and her tongue slipping into your mouth shows itâs moved from an apology to âlet me make you feel betterâ.
You hum into the kisses with pleasure, but you wanted more. Needed more. Without hesitation, you slip a hand under Viâs tight t-shirt, running a hand up and down her abs.
The action sends a shiver down her spine, and you gasp in surprise when the sculpted girl wraps your legs around her waist and lifts you into her arms.Â
Youâre giggling as she walks up the stairs and into your bedroom. Your litter smooches down her jaw and to that neglected neck, mimicking what sheâs done for you. Vi slips a hand under the back of your shirt, making you hum into her neck at the warmth.Â
Pop.
A devilish grin graces your angelic face when you pull back, eyes flickering from Violetâs to the bruise on her neck.Â
The girl grins, catching your mouth in a wet kiss. âYouâre asking for more, yâknow,â she warns, and her lustful eyes are turning your brain to mush. Â
âGood. I want more. Need you all over me,âÂ
Your confident words are canceled out by a sweet gasp that leaves you when Vi bucks her hips.Â
âYouâve gotta say it then,â she orders.
âSay.. what?âÂ
She chuckles. âTell me what you want, baby.âÂ
You swear thereâs a pool of slick in your underwear.Â
âWant you to fuck me till I cum, please please please,â you beg, hiding in the crook of her neck.
âFuck,â is all she can choke out, because sheâs never wanted wanted a girl this fucking much. Your begging is all she needs to hear before sheâs stripping you out of your top, unclasping your pretty bra with one hand, and flipping you over onto your back.Â
Youâre throwing your head back with a soft moan, running a hand through her pink strands while Vi latches onto one of your rock hard nipples. Her hand trails down your abdomen and to your pretty little skirt. The fabric slides down your legs and off your delicate ankles, and the girlâs gawking at your panties.Â
âVi, please please,â you moan in impatience.Â
She lets out a cruel chuckle, fingertips pulling down the fabric thatâs completely drenched by your arousal.Â
Holy fuck.Â
Sheâs moving faster now, pulling her shirt over her head, and you donât have a chance to drool over her bare muscles as she sits against the headboard of the bed and pulls you back by your hips into her lap.Â
Your backâs pressed against her chest, and she pulls your legs apart making cool air attacking your lips. One arm hooks under your knee and holds tight, making sure you stay perfectly spread for her.Â
âSuck,â she whispers, and two of her calloused fingers are shoved in your mouth. You swirl your tongue around the nubs, letting drool pool around them as Vi looks down at you like she wants to ravish you.Â
âWanted to touch you like this for so long.â
Her fingers are dragging out of your mouth and down to your sensitive slit to your swollen clit. Youâre already messily bucking your hips against her as she pushes soft circles against your bundle of nerves.Â
She relishes in the way your eyes roll back before she decides sheâs done being a tease, sinking her wet fingers into you three full knuckles deep.Â
âVioletâ holy fuck yesyesyes,â you whine, quickly closing your legs at the newfound pleasure. But Viâs pulling them right back apart as she pumps into you faster.
She peppers kisses on your temple, whispering sweet nothings about how youâre âso damn prettyâ and sheâs been dying to see your âfucked out faceâ.Â
âYeah, oh fuuck.â you squirm under her control, a knot of passion and pleasure building in your gut.Â
âYeah? Yeah, baby?â She speaks breathily. The way sheâs mocking you and the depth her fingers are reaching is sending you right over the edge. Your toes curl while writhing pleasure shoots through your body, and all you can see is stars.Â
âFuck fuck, Iâmâ hah,âÂ
Viâs shushing you softly, keeping her speed and strength as your cunt tightens around her fingers.Â
Your moans are like angels blessing your ears as you cum, gushing on her skilled fingers.Â
The only noises in the room are your exhausted pants, the slick of your cunt as Vi pulls her fingers out terribly slow, and the bed shifting under the absence and reappearance of pure muscle.Â
Except this time, the pinketteâs knelt in front of the bed.Â
She pulls you to the edge by the soft skin of your thighs, and piercing blue eyes joined by a warm pink tongue threaten to have you wheel-chair bound by morning.Â
âLet me clean you up, angel.âÂ
Despite being near nothing but muscle, Viâs bare body is incredibly comfortable.Â
âAnd he made a giant splotch of paint on the wall with his ass.âÂ
You gasp, choking out a little giggle of shock as Vi tells you stories of her childhood, specifically all the stupid situations they got themselves into. The just-right bath water is engulfing your intertwined bodies. Viâs fingers are threading through your hair as your head rests on her shoulder. Your body sits in between her legs, and your arms lazily drape around her waist.Â
âHow mad was Vander?â you ask.
âHe just⊠laughed. Iâve never really seen him mad, just disappointed at times.â She shrugs. âHe knows kids make stupid mistakes, learn, and grow.âÂ
You hum, nuzzling further into her. âI hope Iâm that calm when Iâm a mom,âÂ
You pause.
âIf Iâm a mom.âÂ
That strikes right through Violetâs swollen heart, and she shakes her head, holding you a little closer.Â
âYouâre gonna be perfect.â She reassures. âJosie.. Gunner.. Rusty, Daisy, and our big beautiful city house are going to be so lucky to have you. Iâm so lucky to have you. Never gettinâ rid of me.
You smile against her skin, placing a loving kiss.Â
âEven if it takes ages for my pops to understand?â you mutter.Â
âI donât care if it takes a millennium.â she states confidently, a tender kiss graces your forehead before she looks you in the eyes.
âI love you, cherry.âÂ
And this time, youâre done holding back.
âI love you, Violet.âÂ
Your fingers, hearts, and lips intertwined as you share your most passionate kiss yet, one of the many for years to come.
Five years, to be exact.Â
And five years later, as the blood refuses to circulate throughout your body and your heart ceases to beat, you die in Violet's arms.
Through her sobs and shattered heart, she can only smile at the fact that all the way until your death, she helped you truly live.
silknspice
#vi x reader#vi arcane#arcane fanfic#arcane#vi fanfic#vi smut#wlw#sapphic#vi imagines#arcane vi x reader#vi league of legends
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Hard Launching â°ââĄâ°â
Summary: lando and y/n wanted to hard launch their relationship after dating secretly for a while. lando finds the perfect way to do so.
â ln x reader â§Ë*°àż
â fluff + humour â§Ë*°àż
masterlist âŸâŒ
lando and y/n had been discussing for a while about hard launching their relationship. they had managed to keep it out of the media for an entire season, but the media liked to paint lando as a villain, in more ways than one. not only were they attacking his skills on track, they began collecting pictures of lando with women, no matter how many years ago, and publishing them with articles about him being a womanizer.
the funniest ones were the pictures of lando and her sister out on some bonding time. reading those articles always made y/n laughed, and she would be lying if she said that she didnât have them bookmarked in her browser for a pick me up when she was having a bad day.
at first, they had thought of doing a simple post with a cheesy caption. enough to let the fans knows that he was off the market again. but, it also felt kind of boring, and that was not lando or y/nâs style.
they discussed it for weeks, looking at different social media websites for inspiration, until it struck lando. scrolling through instagram, heâd found the perfect way to hard launch his relationship with his girlfriend.
when y/n asked him, he said, âyouâll just have to wait like the rest of the world, my love. but, i know youâre going to love it.â
y/n waited, just like he had told her to. she waited for two months, until one day, in the middle of her work, she received the instagram notification of lando posting and tagging her. this was the moment, y/n thought.
opening instagram, she found a reel, instead of a post or a story like she assumed. quickly, wearing her airpods, y/n clicked on the reel, increasing the volume in the background.
the reel opened with someone recording lando as he walked, head down and concentrated. the person recording said, âexcuse me, what are you listening to right now?â
lando took out one of his airpods, and said, âmy girlfriend yapping,â and then walked away.
the reel immediately cut to different instances of y/n talking and lando patiently listening. they were all sped up videos, and y/n watched her animated hands as she ranted, and lando listening, changing his position every so often. the music in the background was a lively, jaunty sound, and it fit so well with the reel.
there were a series of videos, from their home, from the paddock, from conference rooms where they were waiting for zak, or even from the gym where lando worked out, and y/n basically followed him, still talking his ear off. there were multiple videos of them on facetime as well, or screenshots of their hour - hour and half long conversations.
y/n laughed. it truly was the perfect way for lando to hard launch their relationship. it described them perfectly, if she did say so herself.
scrolling through the comments, she saw a lot of fans crying that he was a taken man now. she saw some saying things like, âthis is the realest representation of a relationship.â there were some hate comments too, but they were stupid, so she ignored them.
she commented on the post as well, typing, âwait till i send you a 20 minute voice note on my lunch breakâ to which lando immediately responded with, âcanât wait, i got my airpods and my phone fully chargedâ
y/n laughed again, opening her text messaging app, and sending a quick âi love you this was perfectâ to her boyfriend.
·̩̩̄ÍïŒâąÌ©Ì©Íâ©âąÌ©Ì©ÍËËâąÌ©Ì©Íâ©âąÌ©Ì©ÍËïŒÂ·Ì©Ì©Ì„Í
hi! i hope you guys enjoyed this! it came to me while i was driving to college! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)
taglist: @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @anamiad00msday
#f1#formula 1#lando norris#formula one#ln4#f1 imagine#lando norris imagine#lando norris x you#lando norris x reader#lando norris fanfic#lando x reader#lando imagine#ln4 fluff#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln x reader#ln
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itoshi sae x f!reader tags: afab reader with she/her pronouns, jealous!sae, oliver aiku causes drama, oral f!receiving, hand around throat but not really choking wc: 1.6k
There are very few events you go to with Sae, few that he bothers to attend himself at all. Itâs the first thing Oliver notices about you, that out of all the partners to his colleagues, youâre the one heâs seen the least of.
The second thing he notices is that even when youâre there, Sae barely speaks a word to you.
He wouldnât think you minded if he wasnât really looking. Youâre kind and sweet as you make your rounds to the other players and their partners, much better at small talk and remembering things about people (howâs the new dog? Giving you any trouble? A new house! Let me know your address so we can send you a gift.) than Sae has ever been in his experience. But youâre careful to always keep Sae in your line of sight, like youâre always looking to him for something. Approval, or attention, or something thatâs sort of like both.
Sae has his back to you, clearly begrudgingly involved in a conversation with Shidouâs arm resting on his shoulder. This is the first thing Oliver makes sure of before he approaches you when youâre alone at the bar.
âItâs been so long,â he comments as he slides in next to you. He makes it sound casual, smiles sweetly, and you respond so easily in turn.
âAiku-san! It has, hasnât it?â you immediately perk up at him, and itâs something he canât help but find quite adoring. Youâre quick to ask him about his life, and he lets you play for a bit until he decides he wants to pay it no mind.
âSae doesnât really stay with you at these things, does he?â
His voice almost sounds full of pity, it shocks you with how direct it is.
âAh! Well- we spend a lot of time together, so it makes sense that he wants to spend time with his friends at these things. Theyâre a crowd! So heâs busy with them, you know?â
You smile nervously, and itâs that little feeling again that gets to Oliver â like youâre waiting for a validating response.
He could give that to you. But youâd have to give him something first.
Oliver taps the rim of his glass, condensation running down. âMm. And is he busy a lot?â
âIâŠâ
Itâs at this moment that you begin to realize how close he is to you. In the hesitation, he cups one side of your face with his hand, your jaw in his palm and his fingers grazing over your cheek. Youâre frozen, staring at him in shock. Youâve been Saeâs for so long, whenâs the last time anyone has had the nerve to put their hands on you? His hand moves down to your neck-
Sae is quick to replace Oliverâs hand, wrapping his hand around your neck fully, gently and yet without the constraint or tentativeness Oliver had. You can feel the warm of his body behind you as he pulls you in, so close you can smell his cologne.
Heâs got his characteristic neutral, nonchalant face on, save for one quirked eyebrow in Oliver's direction. But Oliver knows, heâs seen Sae on the field-
This is Sae when heâs pissed.
 âHappy to have you join us.â Oliver smiles, but this time itâs something a little more wicked. He knew he would come fetch you at some point, but he didnât think itâd be this fast, that heâd notice this soon.
âYou think this is some type of game?â If Sae was a lesser man, the sentence wouldâve been spat in Oliver's face. Itâs a near thing.
âHa? Women are never a game.â Oliver pushes his weight off the counter, walks past Sae with a shrug. âJust didnât think you liked her that much.â
Sae clicks his teeth, looking like he swallowed something unpleasant. He squeezes your neck a little tighter.
âLetâs go. Iâm sick of this.â
~
âSae-san, I-â
âQuiet.â
Itâs not said aggressively, not like a command, but he still watches the way you go silent immediately in the elevator down. Even though you want so desperately to say something, to make things right. You are good to him. He knows it too.
âOliver likes to mess around,â he sighs, one hand rifling through his hair, an air of exasperation. You donât entirely get it, but itâs as close to itâs not your fault as it gets with him.
Itâs in the silence of the car, darkness illuminated only by headlights and traffic lights, that Sae finally allows you to speak.
âDo you think I donât like you enough?â
Your eyes go wide immediately, your hands waving in front of you. âW-well, itâs not- I know youâre really busy! And you barely go to these events, so you should spend time with your friends.â
Youâre too nervous to notice it, but he watches, listens to you with full intent. His finger taps against the steering wheel.
When he parks and gets out the car, you donât wait for him to open the door for you. Something in that irritates him, makes him frown. He throws his keys into the bowl in the entryway with a jangle, and when you turn around from taking your shoes off, heâs already in your space.
His hands are on your waist, pressing you against the wall. You try to protest but he silences it with his lips on yours, his hands on the back of your thighs and hoisting you up. Your purse falls somewhere on the ground. But you donât care. You canât care, because Sae is hot and heavy against your mouth and between your legs. He presses you into the wall further, grips your thighs tighter, holds you up easily with one arm as he wraps one hand around your neck and kisses the remaining exposed skin.
It's only for a moment before his hand moves back down to roam under your dress, pulling your panties down fervently, the way the fabric sticks to your slick already is something he doesnât fail to notice. Makes him wonder if he really has been neglecting you.
He tucks them in his pocket and then heâs falling to his knees. You think you whisper his name but you canât tell over the shuffling. Your feet never touch the ground, he lifts you until your legs are resting over his shoulders, holds you up like this. You try to tell him, âSae, weâre gonna fall,â (he wouldnât drop you, donât you know?) but he doesnât say a single goddamn thing. Just bunches your dress up and presses his mouth to your cunt.
The broken moan you let out is nothing short of song to him. Thereâs nothing to stabilize you except for grasping his hair in your hands. Youâre a little scared, but he doesnât stop you, doesnât reprimand you. If anything, he presses deeper into your cunt. Swipes his tongue up from bottom to top. Makes you sob with the way he zig-zags his tongue up your slit all the way to your clit. Heâs always like this â a tease, in control. He holds your arousal in his hands and on his tongue and he knows how and when to make you drip, in a way that ensures only heâs able to drink.
It's sickening, the way he makes your mind fog immediately, makes nothing exist but him in this moment. He does it a few more times before he relents. This is meant to be a reward, after all. An apology, maybe. He presses his tongue to your clit and kitten licks a few times. Envelops the bud in his mouth and swipes over and over, grips your plush thighs tight. You donât know how long he does it because you feel like you canât breathe, breath coming short, gasps that are like drowning. He watches you through it, your chest rising and falling, your hands shaking in his hair.And then he speeds up and your core tightens and your body comes crashing, first up, and then down. He holds you steady against the wall as you whine, your hot cum drooling into his mouth that he swallows up willingly, tight core finally relieving.
You heave as you come to your senses, nails scratching at the nape of Saeâs hair as he laps your oversensitive cunt, making you jolt. He licks you clean before he lets up, taking a deep breath. He kisses each side of your inner thighs, and then once more on your clit for good measure, smiling as he hears your broken whine once again.
He finally lets up. Holds you tight so you donât slump to the ground. He kisses you deeply, lets you taste yourself on his tongue, makes out with you until youâre out of air.
Donât think I donât like you. He wants to tell you, but instead he wraps you in his arms, presses a kiss to your forehead.
âWhy donât you go shower first and get in bed, and Iâll meet you there?â His voice is gentle, actions soft, pressing another kiss to your cheek.
You look up at him doe-eyed. âDonât you wanna-?â
âMm. Later. You go first, okay?â
Youâre too wobbly and wrung out to protest, so you go when he gently leads you both to the bedroom.
The words get stuck in his throat as he closes the bathroom door for you. I really do love you. Â
He hopes you might already know.
author's note: sorry to make oliver a bit of a villain in this LMAO in his head heâs just tryna save you from what looks like a failing relationship! if anything heâs your knight in shining armor <3 too bad that didnât work out how he wanted it to hm
#sae#bllk#blue lock#blue lock smut#sae itoshi x reader#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae smut#sae itoshi smut#blue lock x reader#itoshi smut#itoshi sae x you#itoshi sae x y/n#blue lock x female reader#blue lock x you#blue lock x y/n#sae x reader#sae x you#sae x y/n#x reader
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sry for all the txt posts but i just remembered that line from stranger things s2 where hopper is leaving a note for eleven that says "i'm not mad, i'm just sorry" and im just. fucking essay in the tags
#avery.txt#also you can just blacklist that tag if i'm insufferable i will not be offended#but anyway.#lisaposting#buddy does some irrational dumb angry shit bc she's like. a teenager. and that's what teenagers do#brad cannot handle the possibility of her getting hurt by the outside world so he panics and gets mad at her and makes things worse#but then later he realizes he was lashing out bc of his fear. of course buddy is gonna act rebellious; she's a kid.#he's not mad he's just sorry.#gghghghghhhgghh just fucking punch me so hard i explode into dust#listen as a former teen (who is/was very ND but even aside that) i know how i acted/thought & i can't imagine how difficult that is on#*parents. your kid who you love rejects your affection bc it's not cool & there's all this posturing abt being grown up & rebellious agains#*ur parents. for a while ur kid will just act hostile towards u & u really can't do much abt it. at least for me it was a phase i came out#*of when i was around 20-22 when i started to really see my parents as People and start to understand their actions when i was a teenager#so when i think abt brad i think abt how not only did he have to deal w normal teen stuff he also had to deal w how much his trauma affecte#*his relationship with his daughter & how she's responded to it. he can see her patterns & behavior & how she's used to it but now she's#asking questions that he can't answer bc he's terrified of what might happen if she knows everything. so she gets mad as a result#and things just deteriorate from there until all they do is fight and she yells at him for always being drunk and he yells at her that#*without him she'd be dead and that she's too young to know everything and she yells that she wishes he wasn't her father#and he doesn't have a comeback for that one because some part of him knows he's echoing some stuff from his own father#the addiction and neglect and anger followed him no matter how much he tried to run from them and what if it follows her too.#what if he ruined her the same way his father ruined him. what if he failed to protect this girl who he thought he was safe to love.#ok im gonna stop now bc i need to SLEEP but i have a lot of really fucking complicated feelings about brad#bc i sympathize with his trauma so deeply but how he treated his kids breaks my fucking heart
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